Saturday night I was on call for the transplant club and went in at 1:30am for a liver recipient surgery. This was my fourth time scrubbing in to a transplant surgery. The first time, I blacked out (but did not faint, just temporarily lost my vision in the same way that one frequently does when one stands up too quickly, only slower) within 30 minutes of being scrubbed in, after which someone caught me because I was looking pale, everyone thought I had fainted and joked about it for the rest of the surgery (I was not allowed to scrub back in). The second time I felt light-headed for much of the surgery, and scrubbed out for a minute after maybe three hours to get a drink of water, but was otherwise fine and got to sew at the end. The third time I felt almost entirely great throughout the middle of the night, had fun and helped out a lot. But Saturday night for some reason, I was back to seeing stars, and did NOT feel sustainably better after eating and drinking.
How humiliating!! I felt like I did *everything* I could to be able to stand for a long time. I ate a small meal (not too big because that seems to make things worse), drank a quart of water, ate a spoonful of salt for fluid retention, bopped up and down in the OR, flexed all my muscles, stood on tiptoes, took ibuprofin in case this helps, visualized myself running to stimulate epinephrine release, etc. Nothing worked, and no longer could I blame my reaction on "first-time nerves" or whatever else. In a roomful of reliable people actually WORKING to keep the patient alive through a risky procedure, I fell through on my simple job of holding things out of the way; another resident had to be called in to help assist. I was mortified.
Not every specialty involves standing motionless in a hot room under hot lights in a hot gown and suffocating mask for six hours in the middle of the night while doing nothing but hold organs out of others' way and peering into a distant abdominal abyss. But still. I **NEED** to learn to stand in order to feel like I can be a reliable doctor--regardless of what specialty I go into! Also, feeling dizzy while standing in one place is really annoying.
So I am making another effort to eliminate sugar (with the usual exception, for now, of dark chocolate), based on the theory that eating TONS of refined sugar does not contribute to overall stamina or homeostasis, and that therefore eliminating it might help (I know, very scientific!). I am writing about it here so I can feel stupid if I only last for a day or a week. (Unfortunately, as Matt and perhaps many others can attest, I am *always* saying I am going to quit eating sugar...and I absolutely never have succeeded for any respectable length of time...) I am also going to think about decreasing my caffeine intake. But for now, just the sugar.
Here's to hoping that going sugarfree helps me be a healthier person overall, but more importantly a better stander!
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